dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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