he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
