Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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