This is not my ceiling
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
