I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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