Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
it glows. i had to have it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
