I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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