how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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