Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
