I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I forget how to act sober
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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