So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize