We named our party play list daddy issues
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he's single and there are thong briefs.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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