my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
