i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
