I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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