I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
