Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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