So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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