My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
