Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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