i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
