I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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