R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize