I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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