You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
