you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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