your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
