I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
