why didn't you poke me back
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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