Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I fill condoms, not promises.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
