pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
