More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
