I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
