bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
did i just pee glitter
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize