JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
