Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
