I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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