a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
