My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
