Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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