Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
