Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
