i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
