Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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