My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Floor bacon is actually really good
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
