I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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