i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
