I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
