Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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