Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
