dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
