just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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