I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
