is your mom at the bar?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
