In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize