Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
