who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
