You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The uberlube is also flammable
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
