he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
