They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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