Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
