I faked an abortion last night.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
