My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
