How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
