Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
