Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 ðŸžðŸ·
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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